Faridoon Shahryar's Blog

Friday, December 2, 2011

Abba's Poetry And The Fear Of Losing Him....

Its late in the night. I am reading Abba's poetry and getting amazed by the sheer class and the unique ability to resist attention grabbing tactics. His poetry just flows without clamouring for attention. The impact is solid and the experience of imagery is unique. Sample this:

Ek Aur Maut

Kat gaya din, dhali shaam, shab aa gayi
Phir zameen apne mahvar se hatne lagi
Chaandni karvate phir badalne lagi
Aahaton ke sisakte hue shor se
Phir makaan bhar gaya
Zaher sapno ka pee kar
Koi aaj ki raat phir mar gaya

Translating the last two lines in English will read like this:

Having drunk his dreams
Someone died this night, once again

Abba's condition has worsened. His left side has been paralysed. His left leg and hand are not functioning any more. He has had rigorous Radio Therapy post the assigned Chemo Therapy sessions. There are multiple tumours in the brain. Time is ticking like an unpredictable bomb. We as a family are trying our level best to make things as comfortable as possible for him. He never complains and always tries to project as if everything is fine. One can source 'Strength' from him. Whatever will be, will be...but he genuinely doesn't wish to cause anxiety to anyone because of his condition. The fact that everyone has a definite end, leaves you with such a sinking feeling. No matter how much one may deny or philosophise, no one wants to die. At any stage. At any age.

Past few months have been extremely tough for me. I am constantly in a thoughtful mood. I've also worked like never before in the last few months. I am far more sharp, focussed, determined and eager to excell in every sphere as far as my work is concerned. I've done some very fine interviews and people find it surprising that how do I manage to do so many interviews and yet retain interest levels in most of the interviews. As I've said earlier, I am laughing and enjoying myself in most of the interviews, but the imminent fear of losing a loved one hurts me from within. All the time.

I really don't know how I'll take it when the 'Bad News' will finally open its jaws. I hope I'm prepared. I've cried a lot in the past few months after the disease was disclosed to us. Something from within tells me, it'll be my work, that is, and will be, the perfect refuge to escape from pain and sadness. Let's wait and watch. Lemme read some more poetry before I call it a day. Good night folks!
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone


  1. Leggere queste righe mi ha molto intristito. E' tutto dannatamente vero. Sento nostalgia della vita.
    (sorry, cannot express my feelings in a language different from mine)

  2. Suffice to say we dont live in a perfect world Faridoon as much as we prefer loved ones stay as long as possible. When my sister & husband died I felt responsible for many things hoping and thinking I couldve done something ..anything. But that is not what I am supposed to do. We are to help the living as life passes on and I know that is what you will do on every level. My heart my hand my friend.

  3. Take refuge in your work, find solace in his. May courage, strength and peace be with you. God bless.

  4. Hey Celeste, i checked what you said via google translate...thanks...I agree Margaret...thanks my friend...i'm trying that Flutterby...thanks


  5. That did not come out as intended...wanted to say if your work is refuge, his work should be solace, and might I add, at more than one level, just because of its nature and sensitivity. Once again, God bless.

  6. Just reading the last two lines that you translated into English Faridoon, I get the sense of what an interesting and creative man your father is. Thanks for sharing that. It is always hard to go through the final phases of someone's life. It was ironic to read this post from you when just earlier today I was listening to some old tapes of my dad singing and it brought tears to my eyes, even though he's been gone for over 11 years now. It is a comfort to have these things... poems, songs, memories, that can bring back the sweet thoughts we have of our loved ones. I continue to wish you and your family peace during this difficult time.

    Sincerely, Paula

  7. Thanks Flutterby...good to hear from you Paula and thanks for your comment


  8. As i read your blog, i could feel what u r going through Faridoon Bhaijaan. I have lost few of my family members and each time it has taken a toll on me. But knowing that sometimes things are not in our hands makes us believe in Almighty more.. Also knowing that their journey ends here but they will be in much better place .. You are immensely strong person and I know This Too Shall Pass.. God bless u always

  9. I don't have any words to express my feelings ....all I can say is please take care and God bless you and your family.


  10. Thanks Rhea and MK25...highly appreciated


  11. i dont think my word will make you smile at this moment. Whenever u talk about ur father always bring tears for me, remind me of my father who died 4 yrs ago..May Lord bless you and your family member..

    May strengh always with u sir.....

  12. Hey Faridoon. Hang in tight. Hang in hang in hang in. It will eventually get better. Work should be your refuge in this most trying of circumstance.